About a year ago I remember I was into this girl. I’m more of the cool and calm personality, she on the other hand was a little more alert and savy if you will (NOT JUDGING. Being cool and calm is a burden because we are always looking to avoid uncomfortable situations when people like her can perfectly well stand their ground upon this).
I was attracted by how present she could always be and the vibe she had upon others. She was simply magnetizing to anyone by her charm and that drove me crazy. She would always remind me of moments in which I was slipping and would put in some honest feedback here and there that when thought thoroughly made complete sense.
Exempting the feedback part, these are all qualities she shares with my mother. And it’s funny because now that I think of it, I’ve always been driven for this type of women. Oedipus complex since 95’.
I found this out because I dated once a girl who was a charming peaceful bean. But things were TOO peaceful and we both knew there were some unresolved matters to discuss. Someone had to step up or it would take a toll on us.
With that being said, you may find toxic conflict in both opposites and those similar to you.
Self-care is the only way. My opposite had to resolve some inner conflicts that made her anxiety sometimes go in disarray and she would act emotionally instead of thinking beforehand. As for me and the peaceful girl, we needed to develop a proper sense of character to be able to stand our ground accordingly when we must. When those issues were resolved, we could have totally been able to build a trusting relationship. And if it did happen, that wouldn’t mean opposites attract either because what if the other girl whose more similar in personality to me had also worked her inner self?
When you’ve done your homework this way, what comes next are your overviews of life and the world. Your financial standpoints and standards, hobbies, sports and disciplines towards growth. Anything rooted from habit that could bond each other.
And last but not least, the concept of family. This is a prerequisite and I believe a conversation that must be taken way beforehand. I understand we are prone to perspectives and they might change through time, but as of right now, does she want to be the mother of a child or is she too into herself that she is aware she won’t spare that energy on another human being? These things may sound fucked but they’re REAL and must be put in the table to unfilter immediate ambitions and goals in life in order to understand if the partner whom we want to share with can accompany us through our independent journey as much as we can accompany them.
Mindful's Corner 